18.5.05
Ground zero
The first shots in the war have been fired.
These were the scenes on Collins Street this morning - commuters' faces hardened in a collective grimace - as they braced themselves for the long campaign.
A spokesman for the national depression research body, beyondblue, said the entire nation was on suicide watch.
Last night's announcement had a paralysing effect similar to that which gripped Europeans in 1914 at the assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand.
And across the metropolis, even before the reverberations of the clarion have died down, white feathers are being wedged into Express mail packages.
One that we have learned of is on its way to a newsagent in Bridge Road, Richmond, reported to have been undermining the war effort with the comment, "I'm gonna ring the Herald-Sun and say 'I've got two boobs too, you know."
Another is fluttering, autumn leaf-like, into the lap of Shae'lee from the Accounts Department at the Synchotron.
"It's not as if she friggin died," she is alleged to have said, at which her supervisor issued a stentorian, "Someone call security and have this woman escorted from the building.
"Immediately."
A male colleague who muttered, "This is the gay and lesbian community's equivalent to 9/11," is expected to meet a similar fate.
The federal Department of Community Services cold not confirm this morning whether the pair would be eligible for Centrelink disability benefits after their anticipated kneecappings.
However, Alexander Downer's office has confirmed the Foreign Minister is likely to plead for clemency on their behalf.
Day one.
And Kylie's fight has only just begun.
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